For months, which have felt like years, we have known we were moving. The process starts so early that decisions are made as the new year begins. Even before that my wife and I discussed whether or not to put my name out there. Once we came to that conclusion the painful part begins. Slowly our fingernails are pulled off as we wait, wait, keep quiet, and wait, and wait.
I wanted to write about our experience for a while now but with the amount of secrecy involved I could not. I thought about writing and then posting later but I decided not to. Sunday was announcement day for our conference and now it is public knowledge and legal to discuss. So here I go.
What I need to get off my chest is the fact that this process just sucks. I am not upset at the cabinet or anything like that. It is the process. I understand it, respect it, and have no better way to conceive of even doing it, but it still sucks. It may be different when you are sitting at your desk and then the DS calls with the option of moving. But for us we wanted to be proactive for the sake of our children and requested a move. (Our son starts kindergarten in Aug. and moving now will potentially mean there may be only one move in our children's school career, key word is POTENTIALLY). It fit our family the best to request a move this year, so we did.
What sucks about the process is the secrecy and the waiting. My wife and I have felt like we have been living in a lie for the last four months. First as people asked if we were putting in paper work we had to dodge the question. Then as fellow clergy, neighbors, church people, and even random people off the street asked and we once again had to dodge the question. My pat answer has been "we'll see." Since we United Methodist Clergy are only appointed one year at a time, that will probably be my answer from here on out.
I understand the part about secrecy too. This is a "needs to know" process and the public doesn't NEED TO KNOW. But that doesn't mean they won't stop asking. We have lived in the middle of demands to keep quiet and curious/anxious people. White lies were told (*Lord please forgive me*). Change of subjects were frequent. And my wife and I dodged the question like prize fighters. But every so often a punch would land and we had to do our best to not answer. IT SUCKS! It is simply part of the process though, so we have to live in the suckiness.
The waiting is hard too. Actually that doesn't do it justice. The waiting is horrendous. My wife and I are also planners, very detailed planners. We like to know what is happening and when so we can best prepare ourselves and our family. It is our nature and there is no escaping it. But with that nature comes the need for information which is hard to come by in this process. We simply had to wait to hear, wait to see, wait to talk, wait to tell. We had each other and we did let some close friends/family in on our journey, but the waiting was horrible. Part of the process I know, but still it sucks.
There is more to come as we say goodbye to Trinity and hello to Indian Trail. But I had to rid myself of the Suck and now that it has left my fingers and is on the screen, my soul feels lighter. Confessing and professing is good for the soul.
Can I get an AMEN?